Anorexia is like being bullied from the inside. Incessant, relentless torment. She focuses on your perceived flaws, accentuates your insecurities and crumbles your self-confidence, until you can only see yourself through her eyes - a distorted perception so unbearable that it drives you to follow her endless demands. She makes you believe she’s perfecting you, when in reality she’s slowly killing you. You hear her voice, filled with venom, screaming ‘fat, fat, fat’ with every step you take; the unrelenting chant - the beat that comes to dominate your very existence. There is no way to escape; nowhere to hide. She infiltrates your dreams. To others, it appears you are destroying yourself, but they don’t hear what you hear; see what you see. The endless vicious spite-filled insults - ‘worthless, greedy bitch’ - the intense guilt, the burning self hatred. She torments you until you reach a point where you’d happily choose death over such a tortured existence. And this, of course, is her aim; has always been her aim. By the time you feel that death is the only option to escape her, she’s already dug your grave and is standing by, all prepared to push your starving corpse straight into it.
Sometimes you’ve got to be able to listen to yourself and be okay with no one else understanding.
